A little rain

Feeling the burden of my procrastination, the weight of my irresponsibility.

On the way to yet another dentist appointment (have you flossed and brushed today?) I got pulled over yesterday- for holding my phone. I had it on speaker, but couldn't quite hear. I have a suspended license, for a FTA for a fix it ticket on a car that we no longer own. I used the excuse that we didn't have the money or appropriate paperwork... that's what extensions are for.

The officer was really nice, but warned me sternly that if I continued to drive I'd likely be arrested, my van impounded and my children taken by social services until a relative could get them. OUCH! All for scheduling and paperwork issues. So sad, that real criminals drive around every day and get away with it for years,

I have been super grumpy for the past week. Yesterday I found out why- Aunt Flo arrived (for the fist visit in 2 years) after the officer let me go, with only a ticket for driving on a suspended license (he was understanding about the speaker phone confusion). I'd so rather be pregnant than bleeding...

uhg, sorry, probably TMI for a public blog...

At least I had a lovely little house to come back to, and my two gorgeous children were happy and safe, and my parents were there (a recurring theme) just when I really needed them. Mom drove me home in my van.

Is is something in the stars? Our friend got towed the other night, another friend's car broke down- which planets rule transportation?

Why does my mind go blank?

While nursing Joy-bug today I had a brilliant concept of a wonderful post- if only I could remember what it was about! It was insightful, poetic, perhaps even a bit thought provoking, inspirational- dare I say downright memorable? The laugh is on me...

The days are whizzing by, I keep wishing for a break in the constant onslaught of duties & diapers, just a brief respite to re-invent myself now that I have a new backdrop. Who am I, what do I stand for? I was longing for the time to meditate meaningfully on that age old question, while doing the dishes, making a grocery list and watching Joy empty out her drawer in the kitchen again. Family had been over after I got off work, a long exhausting morning that started at 3:45am, and a grocery story visit was looming in the future before dinner, baths and an oh so necessary nap- no time to figure my self out today I thought...

Tomorrow will be no good for these mental machinations either, I have to make jello salad for Easter, call my mother back and fold Mount Laundry, which is threatening to erupt any day and spew baby clothes all over my newly claimed bedroom. Sunday is Easter and that is a day to focus on family and finding eggs...

So when do I get to figure out who I am now? A new address, a new me... it's the way it's always been (did I mention I've lived at something like 28 addresses in my almost 37 years?) 

"This is real, this me, this is exactly where I'm supposed to be," Grace walks by singing along to Demi Lovato on her Hannah Montana MP3 player...

Honest to blog.

She smiled and signed off in search of more adventures.

Desperately Seeking a Fairy Godmother

What is the secret to life?

Always breathe. Well duh, without breath we would die- hence the secret to life. But while I am sitting here, breathing in and out- focusing on my breath as it fills me with life, I can't help but wonder- now what?

The Barefoot Bellahs are at a crossroads- we have been road weary travellers for so long, I have forgotten the destination. I have been intent on experiencing "the journey" and I fear I have lost my way- if I ever even knew the way, that is!

My horoscope today says not to lose sight of the distant horizon, stay focused on the long term goal and I realized that I didn't really have one. When I am at work I get caught up in the desire to "move up" in the infrastructure, climb the ladder of success- but I am compelled to raise and educate my children at home. Can I do both well?

G is 7 (going on 17) and I need to start paying attention to her need for independence, her desire to be more of her own person. While J, at just barely 1 year old, is going through a very clingy phase and wants her mama all the time. I feel overwhelmed when I am with them- trying to balance their needs with my own desire to feel successful and accomplished.

Having an entrepreneurial spirit I am constantly devising plans to start some venture or another and I 100% believe in each grand idea- until it shows itself to be seriously flawed or impractical.

Needed: 1 fairy godmother to help me figure out not what to wear to the ball, but where the ball is and whose court I should put it in, to mix metaphors... and since fairy godmothers are quite talented in time management, setting deadlines and creating an illusion to support the picture of a complete princess, maybe I would finally get moving in a direction that feels right.

Friday before the parkday...

i was doing the dishes while g made muffins & j played

Grace's 1st Grade Experience, etc

So far this year we have done a lot of in the moment, review, reading and math practice. She is still only 6 years old I keep reminding myself! She is enrolled in an enrichment program on Thursdays where she learns Spanish through play, guitar, clarinet, hip hop and tap. The kids bring a lunch and move between classes in the dance studio where the program is held. She loves it so far and is really learning a lot- she drew and labelled her guitar, made up her own song, tried out a flute, trumpet and recorder before settling on the clarinet and she is making friends!

I really want to get Joy in a baby signing class and both the girls in swim programs (Joy in a Mommy & Me so I can get in the water some too!) but I have been working 40 hours a week at Starbucks. I open the store at 4:30am 4 days a week and work a mid-shift on Saturdays. I got transferred to Fashion Island and have an interview planned for the end of the month for Assistant Manager... but... well I don't really want to get promoted! I want to cut back to 20 hours and be with my kids more!! Shawn has also been putting in a LOT of hours at OC Nissan and working really hard, doing well; making ok $, but it just isn't worth the hours if I still have to work towards management to provide that stable base.

Soooo... he talked them into allowing him to work less hours and we will see what happens- this week certainly went better. I was able to get more than 3-4 hours of sleep a day unlike the previous few weeks. Joy was sleeping well until we started this crazy schedule now she wakes up every couple of hours to nurse and she is teething so she can be quite a handful when you are barely conscious and trying to listen to a 6 year old with no front teeth sounding out letters.

Grace has been such a tremendous help, so thoughtful and considerate- making me sandwiches or warming me leftovers when I get home from work, so I can feed the baby. She often watches over Joy so I can do chores or even rest for a bit. I really like the little girl she is becoming. She has quite the fashion sense and she loves to design clothes for herself and Joy- maybe in the spring we'll put together a unit study around fashion design.

Life is back on TV. I like that.

NAK

Got a little more time to wear baby Joy in my new lovely Moby D today- I decided to buy it from new homeschool friend, Casey. I took pictures, now if only I could find the cord to upload photos to my "old and busted" laptop- since that is what I am on here at the Casa de la Mike.

Once again I find myself NAK (nursing at keyboad, for those of you not in the know) -Joy is kickin like crazy with her tiny toes!! G is out at the movies with her grandma Bernie and Shawn is calling on his resume submissions.

The past couple of days I have been reviewing our new curriculum from Oak Meadow- it looks to be perfect for our styles- her learning, my teaching... we'll start it on Monday. I planned it out and we will finish 1st grade right before the holidays. Who says school years have to begin in the fall and finish in Spring. I think we'll just go by the calendar year for our little private school.

I am loving our new homeschool group and G loves her new skating class...

G misses Ava, but enjoys seeing her cousins more ... tonight we are joining them for some astronomy thing at their school.

Oh and I started work at Starbucks on Tuesday. I train again tomorrow and Sunday.

Life is change.

Joy is fussy...

Babywearing, Coffee Loving, Homeschool Mom

This morning I went on an interview at the Starbucks down the street- my new ;do making me feel a little more put together than I have been, (thanks, Bernie!!). My SIL manages one a few blocks away and was telling me about what a great place it is to work. She used to manage a California Pizza Kitchen, but wanted to spend more time with my adorable niece. I start next week, part time.

Grandma Bernie watched the girls, then I took them to park day in Orange. The park is great and the moms were welcoming- Grace liked playing with the kids, Joy did her nurse, sleep, repeat routine- first in a borrowed beach chair, and again in the borrowed sling of Casey- a mom I met a couple years ago (remember the one I always told you about, Suzanne? With the little dog, Gypsy, and the beautiful free-spirited girls?) The group is a well established, diverse and casual- we also ran in to our old friends, Indy & Army **waves to Michelle!**)

I am excited to have found a great Yahoo Group as I search for the perfect garment to help Joy and I to share Grace's homeschool journey- sling, rebozo, carrier... I've been researching them all- even styled my own from the beautiful red/black sarong I got in Mexico. It's a bit small, so I really would love to get a Moby, and some sort of ring sling- a Maya, a Gypsy Mama or perhaps make my own? The women of the group are generous and knowledgeable, they also seem to be quite the crafty bunch, I look forward to meeting them in person...

Tomorrow we are off to a west OC parkday in Huntington Beach. We attended last week and Grace made a friend- named Casey, also, actually. This time our old friends who are back from Colorado **grins, Steph** will be coming also... Grace is excited to see Nick, because he makes her laugh. I sure wish I already had one of those baby carriers...

Yesterday I had dinner with my mom and dad- she got KFC, where I had my first job. It made me feel light hearted and youthful. It was great to see Grace sharing Webkinz World with her "Gaga", because my mom actually gets into it with her playing games and showing genuine excitement over the things Grace had done to elliot's room. **hugs, mom**

I finally unpacked Joy's baby blanket and it is calling me to get it finished it now, reminding me that I am eager to see the ladies of my Knit-Tea-ing circle for this month's gathering.

As I quickly read over my post, I realized that I am surrounded by women, who make me feel supported and confidant. It's very nice during this time of transition.

Advent Treasure Hunt

On December 1st G started an Advent Treasure Hunt, which I customized to our style from this site. It's been a lot of fun- a few moments of frivolity amongst the frenzy! (I also enjoyed reading another interesting blog about the Advent season)

I have been stressed by packing and the disarray my house is in as we prepare to move (still don't know where!) and my 2 little bits of control and organization during the day have become this Advent activity and my current obsession with setting up the Virtual Moms Club.

I keep stealing just a few moments when a box is packed or a chore is done to pop online and do something else virtual. I realized that it is partially because I can organize, sort, rearrange, express myself and decorate to my hearts content and there is no mess! No clutter accumulates when you are playing with little widgets, bits of code and themed templates. Everything has it's nice little bordered box or mini module. Even music and family photos easily integrate into my virtual world. Moving is easy in cyberspace, click here... drag there... an voila it's gorgeous and simple to search for anything you need.

Here's a few photos from the past few days... (oh and you MUST try today's recipe, sent to my by Mel- BBQ cups!)

The cover of Advent Treasure Hunt folder, where we keep the "scrolls" she finds each day (many are printouts from the above site).


below is the calendar countdown; we paste a black & white symbol of the days activity to mark our progress. Day One was the story of the Angel Gabriel visiting Mary (I also presented her the Christmas Treasury, a book we purchased a couple years ago, but never got to in the past couple of Christmases. This year we plan on reading a story or poem & singing a song from it nightly. It's really getting us in the Christmas spirit- who needs decorations?)


Last night she got the clue "Where Joy will close her eyes, and we will sing her lullabies." She went to Joy's crib and found her handbell set in it's *new* bag, complete with a custom cut felt for silencing the bells as she set them down and the music pages securely tucked in- it's an old picnic bag that I found while packing- you can sort of see it in the background.


Shawn converted the sheet music (which he downloaded from the internet) to a similar style of the colored dot music pages that came with the handbells. The song for the day (the Treasure Hunt daily printout) was Joy to the World. We had fun trying to sing it together while she played the handbells!


Finally, I just liked these - they represent a typical day in our world- Grace wearing only my moms sweater building a lego bridge to "candy world" under the arch of "fantasy fort" ...



...and her faithful, loyal and tolerant friend, Prince Tiger.

Birthday Weekend & Earth Day

Every day is earth day to me... today is the day we celebrate it!

Not every weekend is the one before my 35th birthday. (Today is also my grandma's and my brother's birthday but they don't read my blog so I'll have to actually call them or something...

This year I want to learn three things... http://learningbarefoot.wordpress.com/

I have been having fun playing with my new find http://www.pageflakes.com/tiffanybellah

Grace had a blast last night at the Parent's Night Out held by her gymnastics academy. She has mentioned it repeatedly today.

Shawn is playing the guitar today.

I need to plan a composting session since I offered it to my homeschool group. Ours is doing nicely...

Pinky is lost again...