On Being Happy

Create a vision of yourself and simulate it whenever possible.

As I took the trash out this morning, I felt the wet grass on my feet. It made me picture a calm "me"- in flowing, flowery, girly attire- my hair a long, silky mass of glossy, bouncy curls- walking across the dew kissed, grassy area of my own little private garden (that is just outside the sunny sewing room in my dreams).

For a moment... I let go of my frustration at my husband for disrupting my plans today, I released my pent up irritation at G's aggressive tendencies lately; the pressure valve on my heart popped open and I breathed in the freshness of the morning air, filling up on sunshine to sprinkle throughout my day. Even the foggy mantle of exhaustion dissipated - the last few days (of working at 4:00 am and nursing little Joy-Joy on and off all night for the past week- some growth spurt!) passed peacefully into the past.

As I turned to go back inside, I caught sight of the park- with it's giant rising moon and little grassy knolls- it called to mind gratitude for friends. After a moment of sadness (missing Suzanne and Ava), I smiled, enjoying the memory of my "day off" yesterday, just relaxing at the park with the Kilers. Working in a service capacity again has really allowed me to feel ok with being in the moment.

G has just bounced into the living room, dressed in cute little black peddle pushers and a summery hot pink tank, silkscreened with some tropical graphic. She wants me to help her wrap Ava's gift "because even if we aren't still going to see Ava, it needs to be done." I am so proud of her, she is dealing with so many changes right now, and she is teaching herself to read right in the middle of it all!

I can hear Joy-Joy's little snorts and sniffles that signal her return to alertness.

And I, the calm and confidant woman who wandered in the garden of her imagination for a moment this morning (while taking out the trash!) am ready to face another day in paradise.