Well I guess it is official that I have been overdoing it for too long. Yesterday I started feeling nauseous and achy- by evening I felt just exhausted, but I needed to get ready for the fair I was planning on going to with my Barefoot Books today. Plus we painted signs for the garage sale Shawn and Grace were going to do while I was gone. So I stayed up and got everything ready. I went to bed around midnight and Grace came in around 1:40am, and climbed in our bed, not feeling so good herself and I just couldn't get back to sleep, then suddenly I felt "winded", I could barely breathe, and I was sticky hot.

Apparently I experienced a "panic attack"; I should be fine after some rest and possible changes to my "diet & exercise routine"- which always confuses me- which is it rest or exercise? There has been talk of medication, something light, they say- but I just can't seem to bring myself to that yet. I want to try to naturally lower my stress (oh and blood pressure); it's also reccomended that I lose weight (duh!) - maybe I'll find a way to put some Tai Chi back in my schedule, that always helped with the stress and the weight.

It sure is scary getting older- it seems to just happen all the sudden. At least for me- not that I am old, but I miss that feeling in your body of almost invulnerability- being able to stay up all night to cram (or party) and still be fine the next day, being able to eat and drink pretty much whatever with only small weight gain - or none at all if I was exercising. These are things you just don't realize will slip away as quickly as they do.

The worst part is that I let other people down because I didn't take care of myself (if either of you are reading this- I am really sorry!) The old admonition about putting the oxygen mask on yourself first is so true- you are no good to anyone if you don't take care of yourself. And lately I have been no good to anyone, including myself- I could sense that it was coming. I know that if I was in better shape I could handle the stress better, especially because my inability to handle stress generally leads to even more! It's such a vicious cycle.

Shawn went ahead and did the garage sale (partly because we really needed the money, partly because he had put the signs out last night, so there were a few cars in our cul-de-sac when we got home!) And even though he did start much later than we planned- it still went well! And now that we have sold most of the baby stuff, and I am going to be taking it easy and eating better, I will probably finally get pregnant- just when I had decided I was more than happy with just my Grace. But we'll see... we always said it would be a matter of time not numbers, however many kiddos we had between my 29th - 39th birthday was the idea.

Positive healing energy and understanding of my anxiety born "flakiness" lately would be appreciated by all!